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My Gold Cup
May 3, 2008 I attended Gold Cup at Great Meadow. You may want to ask me, "What are you doing at Gold Cup? You're not sophisticated. You're not cultured. You're not a very important person."
That's all well and good but the only thing sophisticated about Gold Cup are the pastel linen button-downs and the beach umbrella sized hats, complete with massive bow and retractable awning. Surprisingly, that isn't a complaint. Gold Cup is great. I look forward to it every year. For the most part it's just like the Kentucky Derby, Preakness, or Foxfield. Guys arrive in their salmon colored shirts, plaid shorts and deck shoes, and ladies adorned in colorful sun dresses follow closely behind, comparing hat sizes like guys in a gym locker room comparing... well, you know. That is where the pleasantries end. At Gold Cup everyone looks like Belvedere but acts like Bowman's.
Once a base-camp is assembled the long ascent to inebriation peak begins. The trail is paved with endless tables of hors d'oeuvres and high priced alcohol. Upon making the final push toward the summit there are bound to be casualties.
Gold Cup produces some of the most expensive vomit, east of the Mississippi. Brie, smoked salmon, and Belvedere brand vodka, don't get along together. Usually the confrontation escalates into an all out brawl, resulting in a patch of dead grass.
While the peasants get sloshed down below, the corporate folk up on Members Hill live it up. The only thing separating the patrons up on Members Hill from lowly Rich Edmondson, a working class guy from Lot 9, are the conversations. You can't get rowdy talking about stock options and new dust ruffles. I bet Members Hill didn't have a tent near by filled with tipsy coeds holding up signs that read, "Motor Boat". I didn't expect to see that at an event like Gold Cup, and I really didn't expect to see so many grass stains either. I guess what I'm trying to say is it's all about your perception of fun. Fun for me was hanging with friends, eating some good food and drinking a concoction composed of 30 Busch Lights, a handle of Bowman's, a two liter of Sprite and a few cups of Country Time lemonade mix. It sounds gross but don't knock it till you try it. It was quite the crowd pleaser. I can't remember what it was called but the name included the word "naked". I referred to it as "Wooooo, Disstuuuf is Whreely Good."
The picture I paint is a little exaggerated. It's not like the people on Members Hill were looking over the castle wall yelling "Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!" Though that would be funny. Last year I was able to visit Members Hill and it was pretty nice. It's actually about the same as anywhere else but it's funnier the way I described it.
I was thinking to myself on the ride home that usually when there are that many intoxicated people, packed together, there is usually a tussle or a donnybrook. I've never seen a fight or even an disagreement at Gold Cup. It reminds me of the worlds largest wedding reception except people aren't yelling at me for not dancing the Cha Cha Slide. Ev-ree-body clap yo hands. ch,ch,ch,ch,ch,ch,ch,ch,ch,ch,ch,ch,ch. Don't tell me what to do!
The guy who invented that dance is like the guy who invented the pet rock. (It made a million dollars.)
"In all seriousness, Gold Cup is a great experience and should be enjoyed by all. It has everything that a horse enthusiast would expect from a equine sporting exhibition, and a guy like me who just wants to enjoy a nice day out in the country."
- Me
In conclusion I saw one horse and I learned that the key to acceptance is a glazed spiral ham.
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Other analogies for Gold Cup that didn't make the cut.
Everyone looks like...
... Remy Martin Louis XIII but acts like Hypnotiq
... Earl Gray but acts like Long Island Iced Tea.
... Beef Wellington but acts like Beef Jerky.
... Brad Pit from Oceans Twelve but acts like Brad Pit from Twelve Monkeys.
... Charlize Theron from 2 Days In The Valley but acts like Charlize Theron from Monster. (My personal favorite. She was hotter than hot in 2 Days In The Valley and Monster was one of the most disturbing movies I've ever seen.)
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