Faaaaaantastic!
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COSTCO: The Greatest Place on Earth
I went to COSTCO today for lunch and to partake in the free samples. I used to look down on people who ate at COSTCO, but I was young and stupid then. Eating at COSTCO is great and anyone that says different is so objectionable as to elicit despisal or deserve condemnation. After that one, I'm going to name my first child Webster.Walking down the aisles of the vast sales floor is like walking down the aisle of a grand cathedral. I want to get married in COSTCO. No guests, just me, my bride too be, Cameron Diaz, circa 1994, when she was in The Mask, and the items on the shelves. Instead of saying, "John, glad you could make it, how's that bunion treating you." I'll say "Giant bag of dried fruit, so kind of you to attend, hope your stay-fresh seal is in good repair." The guy that checks the receipts will be the preacher and before leaving the COSTCO he'll say, "Peace be with you." And I'll say "and also with you", then organ music will start blasting. Since this is a daydream sequence, I'll probably start breakdancing and then fight some dinosaurs.
COSTCO is a visual metaphor for life, all of the trials and tribulations, successes and jubilation. It's the only place outside of Las Vegas with the ability to test your control of excess and moderation when presented with infinite temptation. I'm not saying that they should open a strip club in COSTCO though I am surprised in its absence. It's probably better that all of the smutty smut stay in Vegas, we don't want the mob taking over COSTCO. Could you image the poor free sample people getting roughed up by hired goons? All of the samples would be Italian food. Don't get me wrong, I love Italian food but not every day.
Speaking of Italian food, for some reason Staying Alive by the Bee Gee's plays in my head while I'm walking around COSTCO. I imagine a camera at my feet watching me walk to the beat. I'll walk up to a free sample booth, grab a crab puff and eat it slowly as I spin around. Walking away from the booth I turn and wink at the attendant and toss the napkin over my shoulder into the trash can.
In closing, I got a hot dog with ketchup mustard and relish, a slice of pepperoni pizza, and a Coke.
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